There’s a popular stereotype that guys have only one thing on their minds. SEX! The implication is that women have to fend men off and that women are much less interested in making love. Based on our unscientific sample, however, such stereotypes are much too simplistic. We have received hundreds of messages from women who want sex at least as much as men do. We are also learning that many men are actually less interested in physical intimacy than their partners. Sometimes the imbalance in libido is due to medications.
A review published in Expert Opinion on Drug Safety (Oct. 4, 2024) analyzed data from the FDA’s Adverse Event Reporting System.
The authors found that:
“Fifty-eight drugs showed potential decreased libido risk based on the disproportionality analysis, with 40 of the drugs not mentioning the risk of reduced libido in their instructions.”
We fear that many health care providers are reluctant to mention sexual side effects when they prescribe a medication. That can cause complications in a relationship.
An Imbalance in Sex Drive:
Ask a sex therapist about the most common complaint couples have and it is likely to be mismatched sex drives. In other words, one partner desires sex more frequently than the other.
In one of our syndicated newspaper columns, a woman complained that she didn’t have enough energy for sex after working, housekeeping, cooking and taking care of a baby grandson. She wanted to know if there was anything she could feed her husband to dampen his desire.
Other women wrote in to sympathize with her. Most felt their husbands should pitch in with the housework and the cooking. They suggested that if men had to work as hard as women did, they would be worn out and less interested in sex too.
A couple of male readers disagreed. One said:
“Are you kidding me? While the man is doing all the chores, he’ll be thinking about his reward when he finishes. A man is never too tired for sex! He will swim the widest ocean, climb the highest mountain and fight the strongest lion, all in the interest of sex.”
Another shared this perspective:
“You apparently seem to know very little about what factors affect one’s sexual drive. I have been married three times, and in all cases my wives were unable to keep up with my sexual needs.
“I consider myself fairly intelligent, a good conversationalist, empathetic to all life and fairly good looking. I adore women and respect their individuality and personal beliefs. But sex is always at the front of my mind.
“Even when I worked long days and came home exhausted, my sex drive was always in high gear. It still is, even though I am now 71 and retired.
“I do not pretend to understand what determines sex drive. I only know that I have always enjoyed my own sexual appetite and hope to do so until I die. Perhaps someday I will meet a lady of a like mind where sex is concerned and we can both be happy and totally satisfied.”
Stories from Frustrated Women Who Want Sex More Than Their Partners:
Women visiting our Web site have shared some incredible stories of frustration. Here are just a few:
“You always hear from guys that they would love a girl like me, but put it into practice and you find out quickly that this just isn’t true. I have had a high sex drive since I hit puberty and have never found anyone to match it.
“I have been with the same man for 10 years, and it has always been the same: I am the initiator (95 percent of the time) and the sorely disappointed one (90 percent of the time), night after night. I spend too many nights crying, feeling unattractive and listening to snores come from the other side of the bed.
“Other than this, we get along well, have similar interests and have established a good home. The biggest problem is that we are both in our 30s. I love my husband, but I don’t know if I can deal with this for the rest of my life! I am looking for a way to reduce my sex drive because the rejection is killing me.”
Another woman commented:
“I thought I was basically alone in this. I’m a young woman with a very high sex drive. Except for sex, I am in a wonderful relationship.
“I have been with my boyfriend over two years. The first few weeks were bliss, where he actually wanted to make love with me. Since that time, we’ve gone from four or five times a week to MAYBE once every six weeks.
“I’ve dolled up, put on my best lace nightie, and when I walked into the room, he didn’t even notice. He makes me feel so bad for always wanting it, like I’m some sort of weirdo.
“He’s 24. He says he loves me and that he’s still very attracted to me, but there is no proof. He doesn’t even try to initiate anything with me and when I do, I’m rejected. I need something to kill my libido because my ego can’t take any more rejection.”
Apparently this problem is not at all unusual:
“I can’t believe so many others know what this is like. My sex drive is slightly above average. My boyfriend’s is well below average.
“Other than the lack of sex, our relationship is perfect. I wish this one thing didn’t hurt so much. We’re both in our mid 30s and healthy. He just doesn’t desire sex.
“On average, we have sex once every six weeks or so. At this point, once a week sounds good to me. It hurts so much to feel so undesired. Even when we do have sex, it’s only to please me. The sex is really good when it happens. Every time we do I get my hopes up that it’ll be more frequent but my hopes are always crushed. That’s why I’m searching for something to kill my sex drive.”
More Stories from Women Who Want Sex More than Their Husbands:
There are over 200 comments from women who are feeling frustrated and alone. Here are just a couple more:
Jenn read some of the comments and no longer feels so alone:
“Wow this has made it so I no longer feel alone. I never knew how many women are just like me….same situation too…started my relationship hot and heavy: sometime 2 or 3 times a day. That turned into 1 time every 8 to 12 weeks. He says it’s him, not me but really getting denied so much just hurts.”
The Lost Girl writes:
“I wish I could meet one of these men who will do anything for sex. My partner will only have sex once a month (at most), while I used to be a once a day kind of gal–until his refusal of my advances made me so depressed that I gave up.
“We have great conversations and he likes non-sexual contact, but he is a sexual camel!
“I am not sure if I should leave him, or if I am even capable of doing so. I am down on myself all the time, and I think that just because he doesn’t want me that way, no one else will, either. So I am beginning to think that sex will never be part of my life again…and that is a sobering thought.”
Drugs and Sex:
There are a surprising number of drugs that dampen libido or cause erectile dysfunction as a side effect. They include antidepressants such as sertraline, fluoxetine, duloxetine and citalopram, to name just a few. Blood pressure medications can also cause adverse sexual side effects. So can medicines prescribed for an enlarged prostate. That includes dutasteride and finasteride.
Women who want sex more than their partners may want to read about such medications at this link:
Sexual Side Effects Are Common But Rarely Mentioned
If you would like more information about how drugs can affect human sexuality, you can download our FREE guides on this topic.
Please share your own experience regarding an imbalance in sexual desire in the comment section below. You may discover that you are not alone.
