Old Scams In New Bottles

Why is the grass always greener someplace else? The idea that remedies from a far-away, exotic location are more potent than anything home grown harkens back to the traveling medicine shows of the 19th century.
These days, instead of snake oil salesmen hawking their wares from the back of a wagon, we have late-night cable television infomercials and Web-based promotions. But the same principles apply.
Beware anyone selling the famous Bora-Bora Beetle Juice that is guaranteed to grow hair, improve your love life, relieve arthritis pain, eliminate wrinkles and cure cancer. Such claims are often accompanied by amazing testimonials: “I lost 350 pounds overnight without any dieting thanks to 3-B juice.”
Keep in mind that testimonials, as fascinating as they may be, do not constitute scientific evidence. Sometimes they are completely fictitious. If someone maintains that royal bee dandruff enlarged his penis by 4 inches, be skeptical, especially if it costs $29.95 for a three-day supply.
You might think that the FDA would crack down on the scamsters. In truth, neither the Food and Drug Administration nor the Federal Trade Commission is able to police the Internet for fraudulent claims. That means you are on your own. Here are some claims that should make you suspicious:
The product is a “breakthrough,” especially one that doctors don’t want you to know about. Actual medical breakthroughs are rare, and you will read about them in the paper or see them on the news.
Also watch out for “miracle cures.” They are few and far between, and rarely come in a bottle.
Desperate people are especially vulnerable. When traditional treatments fail for serious conditions like cancer, rheumatoid arthritis or Alzheimer’s disease, people may cling to any glimmer of hope. But the claim that a product can cure an incurable disease should sound alarms.
Beware anything that relies on a bizarre ingredient from some remote and hard-to-reach locale. The quackmeisters are counting on the mystique factor to capture your imagination-and your dollars. An ad may imply that the nectar of the rare Tibetan tutsi-tutsi flower will cure every ache and pain in your body, but if it’s so rare, why are they selling so much of it?
Pyramid marketing schemes raise another red flag. Your next-door neighbor or your second cousin Clarissa may sing the praises of a supplement she’s taking (and selling). Don’t let the social pressure overwhelm your common sense.
Speaking of common sense, it’s your best defense against quackery. If a product sounds too good to be true, don’t spend your money on it. The claims are almost certainly inflated, and may be completely bogus.
Money-back guarantees are another tip-off. People have made fortunes selling products to increase bust or penis size. They accumulated luxury cars, mink coats and mansions, not to mention millions in cash, despite offers to refund money to dissatisfied customers. But buyers who expected to see a dramatic difference in their anatomies were sorely disappointed.
When the snake oil salesmen came to town, your great-grandparents probably knew enough to listen to the music, laugh at the pitches and not get taken. Follow their good example.